Things you will do as a student:
Check as appropriate.

[x] Choose a wine based on percentage and price.
[x] Get the Freshers' Flu.
[x] Claim to be totally skint whilst out drinking double vodkas and red bull.
[x] Do your essay 'tomorrow', clean your flat 'tomorrow', go to the pub now.
[x] Fancy someone you have no chance of ever pulling.
[] Shag someone else to make up for it (didnt have to, for a few days anyway)
[x] Go out for 'just the one' and come back blind.
[] Apply for an extension on an essay.
[x - metaphorically, not literally >_>] Refuse to give a tramp money as he'll only 'iss is up the wall', then go and piss it up the wall yourself.
[] Start a days drinking earlier than you ever have before.(started at about 5-6am once so yeah )
[] Get on first name terms with your bank's student advisor.
[x] Wake up with a traffic cone/road sign, and a random in your room.
[x] Mistakenly blame mid-morning vomiting on food poisoning, rather than the tequila episode the night before. (Girls should seek medical advice if this persists - Tequila can be held responsible, but it won't pay child support)
[x] Join a club or society to avoid sitting in the union getting drunk, then realise that most meetings consist of sitting in the union getting drunk.
[] Go running up the street naked and wonder why you got arrested.
[x] Sit and watch an entire series of a program in a day.
[x] Try a drink you have never tried before.
[x] Never drink it again.
[] An Irish student.
[x] Not check your bank balance at the cash machine for fear of what you might find out.
[x] Receive a scary letter from your department.
[x] Ignore all scary letters.
[] Have a crush on a lecturer.
[x] Get lashed on cider like you're fourteen again.
[x] Tell your parents you spend a lot on 'books', when what you really mean is 'booze'.
[x] Get stressed because you're drinking too much.
[x] Drink because you're stressed.
[x] Grow to consider two meals a day as more than enough.
[] Only pay bills when issued with court summons.
[] Wake up beside a really tasty kebab.
[] Boast about the bands you've seen and then have a mature student piss on your chips by revealing he was at the first ever Oasis/ Iron Maiden/ Beatles gig.
[] Make punch in a washing-up basin and forget that its strength is directly proportional to how harmless it tastes.
[x] Hide from TV licensing people.
[] Let your friends cut your hair.
[] Rock up to the library, having mistaken it for the union.
[x] Go to HELP Services because you needed free condoms and you knew buying them would cut into your drinking fund. (those people are nuce, at some clubs they even give you water so you dont get dehydrated adn collapse ohh and all their condoms were flavoured had to add...)